How to Plan a Memorial Service
When someone close to you passes away, it can feel impossible to get anything done, let alone plan a funeral or memorial service. While it won’t be easy, here’s a guide to help walk you through the process.
What is a memorial service?
A memorial service is very similar to a funeral, except that the body of the deceased isn’t present. Memorial services are becoming more common as more people opt for cremation and/or want to give themselves more time to organize and invite guests to the memorial. There is no one-size-fits-all plan for a memorial -- it all depends on what’s important to you and others who were close to the deceased. You can build a personalized memorial service plan on Ever Loved, but here’s an overview to get you started.
What happens at a memorial service?
A memorial service is very similar to a funeral service in terms of sections of the service itself. Here’s what a typical memorial service template/outline would look like:
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Welcome / seating. This is when attendees are welcome to the service and seated, if applicable.
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Verse / passages / readings. Families often select favorite passages, psalms, or other verses to be read at a memorial service. While many verses or readings are religious, any type of reading can be done (such as a poem or passage from a book).
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Eulogy reading. The eulogy, if there is one, is read and listened to. Eulogies aren’t required and, in some cases, aren’t desired.
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Pictures or slideshow. Many families make memorial slideshows or tribute videos that they can show at a memorial service.** These often include favorite photos, videos, and moments from their loved one’s life.
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Reception. During this time, attendees can share stories about the deceased’s life, offer condolences to the family, and come together in remembering the life of a loved one.
What to know when planning a memorial service
Planning a memorial service is very similar to planning a funeral, in that many of the components are the same. Here are some things you’ll need to consider or keep in mind when planning a memorial service.
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Where is it being held? If you’re holding an in-person memorial service, you’ll need to find a venue. Funeral homes, family homes, churches, and public parks are all popular choices when it comes to venues. To save money, hold the memorial service in a public space.
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How many attendees do you expect? Knowing the number of people who are attending is important, especially if you’re holding the event in a funeral home. Many funeral homes are restricting the amount of people that can attend due to COVID-19. It’s a good idea to set up a livestream of the memorial service so that those who can’t attend can still participate.
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What kind of tone do you want? Memorial services can be formal or informal, traditional or contemporary, lighthearted or somber; the possibilities are endless and entirely up to you. Identifying the theme and tone of the event can help you decide on which aspects you’d like to incorporate.
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Will you hold a reception? Receptions are common after memorial services take place and are a great way for your community to support each other after a loss. If you’re hosting a reception, you’ll need to consider the venue, catering, and what kind of COVID-19 restrictions and regulations you’ll want or need. (For example, instead of having a buffet, you could have individually packaged or packed to-go boxes.)
Ideas for a memorial service
Memorial services can be simple, traditional, or creative and complex -- there isn’t a set rulebook for how every memorial service should go. Here are some ideas to get you started.
Hold a traditional memorial service
Traditional memorial services mirror traditional funeral services quite closely. The event is generally somber and formal and can be held in a church, funeral home, or other venue.
Release lanterns
Ask your friends and family to join you in releasing lanterns (you can find eco-friendly lanterns online) into the sky as part of the memorial service. Consider releasing the lanterns near the end or during a significant reading or song to accompany the lanterns. Be sure there is open air space (no trees, powerlines) for optimal release.
Hold a community reading
If your loved one was an artist or part of a literary community, you can ask that all attendees read out their favorite passage, quote, or piece of writing that reminds them of your loved one. This is a great idea for those who are into poetry or public readings and can give attendees space to remember your loved one in a way that was special to them.
Gather in a favorite park
Holding the memorial service in a favorite park or nature spot is a great way to integrate some of your loved one’s personality and favorite things into the memorial service itself. Memorial services in outdoor spaces are a good idea during COVID-19 too, to reduce the risk of exposure. Holding a memorial service in a public place such as a park is also a good way to reduce costs, since you won’t have to pay a venue fee.
Hold an online memorial service
With COVID-19, funerals and memorial services are considered large gatherings and are often restricted or prohibited entirely. A memorial service can even end up becoming what’s known as a superspreader event, causing many of those attending to catch COVID-19. You can avoid this by holding a memorial service that’s completely online. Ask your loved ones to join your Zoom meeting, or other streaming platform, at the designated time and hold a completely virtual memorial service. To get started, you’ll want to create a memorial website as a landing page for your virtual memorial service.
Gather during the night time and stargaze
Was your loved one a fan of space or enjoy watching the stars? Inviting your loved ones to an outdoor stargazing memorial service is a unique memorial service idea that can also save you money. You can ask folks to bring their own blankets and other items to keep them warm while you host a stargazing night at a favorite spot. (This is also a good way to save on decorations for memorial services, since no one will be looking at the decor!)
Theme the service around your loved one’s life
Memorial services can be fully customizable which means they’re a great opportunity to show some of your loved one’s personality. If your loved one was passionate about the ocean or being out on the water, hold the service on a boat; if they loved animals, you could hold it at a farm or do a walkthrough of a zoo as part of the service; if they were into cooking, ask your attendees to bring some of their favorite dishes in memory of your loved one; consider any other aspect of your loved one’s life and frame your service around that.
How to plan a memorial service, step-by-step
Now that you have a better understanding of what a memorial service is, here's a step-by-step guide on how to plan one.
Step 1: Decide which events will feel meaningful
While the most traditional memorial service is a formal service at a place of worship or funeral home, followed by an informal reception, your options are limitless. Ask yourself how you think your loved one would want to be remembered, and what would make family and friends feel they are best honoring the deceased. This can be anything from a traditional service with a full Catholic mass to casual gathering at a favorite restaurant or bar.
Step 2: Pick a date and place(s)
Once you’ve decided on the general events, consider the locations that would feel most natural (or work the best for the people who most want to attend).
When selecting a date, ask yourself the following four questions, and then find the balance that makes the most sense to you:
- What day(s) will make scheduling easier for the people who care most about attending?
- What timeline will help close family and friends best process their grief? Some people prefer to hold a memorial service as soon as possible, while others want to give themselves some time to process the loss first.
- What timeline is reasonable for me to feel like I can effectively plan the memorial?
- What restrictions do I have due to event space or officiant availability?
Consider COVID-19 restrictions as well:
- Will masks be required?
- Will there be hand sanitizer at the event?
- How will social distancing be handled?
- Are there capacity restrictions due to COVID-19?
- Can the event be held in an outdoor area to reduce the spread?
Step 3: Send out an announcement
Once you have a date and place, send out an announcement to friends and family. A memorial website makes it easy to share event information in one place, so nothing gets lost in communication. You can collect RSVPs, share event details, let people know what restrictions are in place due to COVID-19, and you can include a link to your livestream if you end up streaming the services. Then, send out an email with the link or share it on Facebook. You may also want to ask others to forward the link to people you may have missed.
Step 4: Set the program
Think through the logistics for the event(s). What time should people arrive? What do you want to be formally scheduled? Do you want certain people to give eulogies? Would you like there to be readings or funeral songs? Do you want to open it up to anyone to speak? If you’re going to serve food, decide whether you want to prepare it yourself or organize a caterer. You can set up a funeral program and let people know what to expect by passing out funeral programs at the event itself.
Step 5: Consider small touches
You may want to add a bit of your loved one’s personality to the event. This could mean creating a playlist with his or her favorite songs, serving a favorite dessert, putting together a wall of photos, or anything else that you feel would help guests feel a connection. Some families ask that all attendees where a specific piece of clothing or accessory to commemorate the event, or bring something they feel is meaningful to the service. We've listed a few options to help give you more ideas.
If you feel overwhelmed during this process, give yourself a break before getting back into logistics. If you’d like additional support, feel free to read through our guides in our articles center, or contact us at support@everloved.com with questions.
