How to Cope with Losing a Parent

The grief of losing a parent is a profound and deeply personal experience that can leave individuals feeling lost, overwhelmed, and emotionally fragile. Whether the loss occurred recently or years ago, the journey of coping with such a significant loss is often a unique and challenging one. This article aims to provide guidance after the loss of a parent through the use of healthy coping skills, quotes, books, poems, songs, and more.

Coping with the loss of a parent

Dealing with the loss of a parent can be confusing, frustrating, heartbreaking, and incredibly difficult. However, taking care of yourself and paying attention to your health and wellbeing is important. One of the ways you can begin to take care of yourself after experiencing a loss is to simply understand the wide range of what grief looks like. While there is no “right way” to grieve (and no singular experience of grief), there are similar stages many people go through after losing a loved one. Knowing what to expect can help you identify what you’re going through and take care of yourself during this difficult time. Before you start trying to figure out how to deal with grief of losing a parent, here’s an overview of what grief can look like and what to expect.

Grieving the loss of a parent

Grief is a complex and highly individual process that encompasses a wide range of emotions, thoughts, and behaviors following a significant loss. While the experience of grief can vary from person to person, here is an overview of what grief commonly looks like:

• Denial and shock: Initially, there may be a sense of disbelief or shock, as the reality of the loss sets in. It can be challenging to accept the finality of the loss, leading to a temporary state of denial. This can also come back in waves over time.
• Emotional volatility: Grief often involves intense and fluctuating emotions. People may experience sadness, anger, guilt, anxiety, frustration, or even relief. These emotions can arise unpredictably and may be overwhelming at times.
• Physical symptoms: Grief can manifest in physical symptoms such as fatigue, sleep disturbances, appetite changes, restlessness, muscle tension, or aches. These physical manifestations are a natural response to the emotional toll of grief.
• Cognitive difficulties: Grief can affect one's thinking and cognitive processes. It may be challenging to concentrate, make decisions, or remember things. Some individuals may experience a sense of confusion, disorientation, or even a feeling of detachment from reality.
• Social withdrawal or seeking support: People may have a tendency to isolate themselves from others during grief, finding solace in solitude. Alternatively, some individuals may actively seek support from friends, family, or support groups to share their feelings and seek comfort.
• Yearning and longing: It is common to experience a strong yearning and longing for the person who has passed away. There may be a desire to see, hear, or feel their presence again. This longing can be accompanied by feelings of emptiness or a sense of loss of identity.
• Waves of grief: Grief is not linear and can come in waves. At times, individuals may feel a temporary sense of acceptance and peace, only to be followed by periods of intense grief and longing. These waves can be triggered by anniversaries, reminders or special occasions.
• Personal meaning-making: Over time, individuals may engage in a process of finding meaning and making sense of the loss. This can involve reflecting on the relationship with the deceased, reevaluating personal beliefs, and finding ways to honor and remember the person who has passed away.

It's important to note that grief is a unique and individual experience, and there is no guidebook on how to grieve the loss of a parent “correctly” since the experience differs from person to person. The duration and intensity of grief can vary widely. It's essential for individuals to give themselves permission to grieve and seek support from loved ones or professionals when needed.

Losing a parent in your childhood, 20s, 30s, 40s, and 50s

Losing a parent means something different for each individual and the core of the experience can vary widely depending on age. For example, losing a parent at a young age will often look a lot different compared to losing a parent at the age of 50. Here’s a brief overview of some of the differences in experience you (or a loved one) might feel after losing a parent, depending on age:

Teens and young children

The stages of grief for a child losing a parent can be particularly challenging as children are still developing their emotional and cognitive abilities. They may experience confusion, fear, and a sense of abandonment. Young children often rely heavily on their parents for emotional support and guidance, and their grief may manifest in behavioral changes, regression, academic difficulties, or clinginess.

Adults in their 20s

In their 20s, individuals are often transitioning into adulthood and establishing their identities. Losing a parent at this stage can be disorienting and may disrupt their trajectory, leading to feelings of profound loss and uncertainty about the future. It can also impact their relationships, as they navigate the complexities of grief while experiencing significant life changes, such as entering the workforce or pursuing higher education.

Adults in their 30s

By their 30s, individuals may have established careers, started families, or embarked on significant life milestones. Losing a parent during this stage can cause a deep sense of grief, as it often involves reevaluating one's priorities and reshaping their roles and responsibilities. Balancing personal grief with the demands of adulthood and caregiving for their own families can be emotionally challenging.

Adults in their 40s

In their 40s, individuals may find themselves sandwiched between caring for their own children and potentially becoming caregivers for their aging parents, especially if they lose one parent but have to support another parent. Losing a parent at this stage can intensify the pressures and emotional burden they face. They may experience a heightened sense of mortality, confront unresolved issues, and grapple with the loss of a parental figure who provided guidance and support.

Adults in their 50s

By their 50s, individuals may be experiencing their own aging process and confronting their mortality. The loss of a parent during this stage can evoke a deeper understanding of their own mortality, prompting introspection and reflection on their life's purpose. It can also be a time of redefining relationships and seeking support from siblings or extended family as they navigate the loss together.

Each individual's experience of grief is unique, and the impact of losing a parent can be influenced by factors such as the quality of the relationship, support systems, and individual coping mechanisms. Professional guidance, support groups, and grief therapy can be helpful resources for individuals of all ages who are navigating the grief of losing a parent.

How to deal with the loss of a parent

While there isn’t a single, correct answer to how to grieve the loss of a parent, there are steps you can take to ensure you are taking care of yourself amidst your grief. Figuring out how to grieve the loss of a parent in a way that’s right for you can help you deal with the loss of a parent in a healthy way. This means trying different coping skills and techniques and identifying which ones work for you and which ones simply don’t.

Here are ten coping skills that can help you figure out how to deal with the grief of losing a parent in ways that are often healthy and helpful:

• Deep breathing and relaxation techniques: Practice deep breathing exercises, meditation, or progressive muscle relaxation to calm the mind and reduce stress levels.
• Physical exercise: Engage in regular physical activity such as walking, jogging, yoga, or dancing, as it can help release endorphins, improve mood, and alleviate stress.
• Journaling: Write down your thoughts, feelings, and experiences in a grief journal. It can provide a sense of release, self-reflection, and help gain perspective on challenging situations.
• Seeking support: Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or support groups to share your feelings and seek emotional support. Sometimes talking about your struggles can provide a sense of relief and help gain valuable insights and advice.
• Creative outlets: Engage in creative activities such as painting, playing a musical instrument, or writing poetry. These outlets can serve as forms of self-expression and provide a healthy outlet for emotions.
• Mindfulness and grounding techniques: Practice mindfulness techniques such as focusing on the present moment, grounding exercises, or sensory awareness to help manage stress and promote a sense of calm.
• Setting boundaries: Learn to establish healthy boundaries in relationships and situations. Setting limits and saying no when necessary can help reduce overwhelm and maintain a healthy balance in life.
• Time management: Develop effective time management skills to prioritize tasks, set realistic goals, and avoid unnecessary stress and overwhelm.
• Engaging in hobbies and leisure activities: Dedicate time to activities you enjoy and that bring you pleasure. Engaging in hobbies and leisure activities can provide a sense of fulfillment, relaxation, and rejuvenation.
• Self-care: Prioritize self-care activities such as getting enough sleep, eating nutritious meals, staying hydrated, and engaging in activities that bring you joy and rejuvenation. Taking care of your physical and emotional well-being is essential for overall coping and resilience.

Remember, coping skills can be highly individual, so it's important to find strategies that work best for you and adapt them to your specific needs and preferences. If you find it challenging to cope on your own, seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor can provide additional guidance and support.

How to deal with losing a parent using songs, poems, and quotes

In times of grief, music, quotes, and books can become invaluable sources of comfort and understanding. Engaging with these artistic forms allows individuals to connect with their emotions, find resonance, and embark on a healing journey.

Quotes about the loss of a parent

After losing a parent, quotes can help to distill wisdom into concise words, providing solace and perspective.

• ”Those we love and lose are always connected by heartstrings into infinity.” - Terri Guillemets
• "Those we love don't go away, they sit beside us every day." - Liane Moriarty
• “Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.” - Richard Puz
• ”One day we will remember how lucky we were to have known their love, with wonder, not grief.” - Elizabeth Postle
• “Whenever I am missing you, I also remember how fortunate I was that you were in my life. I wouldn’t trade those moments for the world.” - Cindy Adkins
• ”Mom, you are the most beautiful memory I kept locked inside my heart”. - Narin Grewal
• ”Her absence is like the sky, spread over everything.” - C.S. Lewis
• “Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them.” - Leo Tolstoy
• ”Tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of a pure heart.” - Jose N. Harris
• “It’s only when you grow up and step back from him — or leave him for your own home — it’s only then that you can measure his greatness and fully appreciate it.” - Margaret Truman
• “I should know enough about loss to realize that you never really stop missing someone — you just learn to live around the huge gaping hole of their absence.” - Alyson Noel

If any of these quotes on the loss of a parent resonate with you, it can help to write them down somewhere to easily refer back to in times of sadness. Some find help in posting quotes on a post-it note, writing down quotes in their grief journal, or sharing the quotes on social media.

Songs about losing a parent

Songs, similarly to quotes, can provide you with comfort, insight, perspective and a feeling that your grief is validated through the experience of others.

• "Tears in Heaven" by Eric Clapton: A heartfelt ballad written by Eric Clapton after the tragic loss of his young son, conveying the emotional pain and longing for his child in heaven.
• "Supermarket Flowers" by Ed Sheeran: A poignant and tender tribute to Ed Sheeran's late mother, reflecting on the small, everyday things that remind him of her and the bittersweet grief of losing a parent.
• "You Should Be Here" by Cole Swindell: A country song expressing the heartfelt emotions of missing a loved one, specifically a father, during significant moments and wishing they could be there to share them.
• "If I Could Only Fly" by Merle Haggard: A poignant track that speaks to the desire to be free from pain and longing for a parent who has passed away, longing for a reunion in the afterlife.
• "Holes in the Floor of Heaven" by Steve Wariner: A touching song that portrays the idea that when loved ones pass away, it is believed they watch over us from heaven, with the tears they cry falling through "holes in the floor of heaven" during important moments.
• "Temporary Home" by Carrie Underwood: A powerful song highlighting the idea that life on Earth is temporary and that the ultimate home and peace are found in heaven, providing solace to those who have lost a parent.
• "See You Again" by Wiz Khalifa ft. Charlie Puth: A heartfelt tribute originally created for the soundtrack of the movie "Furious 7," conveying feelings of love, remembrance, and longing for a loved one who has passed away.
• "Angel" by Sarah McLachlan: A touching and emotional song about the loss of a loved one, often associated with the loss of a parent, reflecting on the everlasting impact and memory they leave behind.

Books about losing a parent

For those who would like a more in-depth overview of grief and the experience of loss, books offer a wonderful starting space. Here are five books that explore the theme of losing a parent and can offer comfort, insight, and support:

• "Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss" by Hope Edelman: In this influential book, Hope Edelman shares her personal experiences and interviews with other women who have lost their mothers, delving into the profound impact of mother loss and offering guidance on navigating grief and finding healing.
• "The Orphaned Adult: Understanding and Coping with Grief and Change After the Death of Our Parents" by Alexander Levy: This book explores the unique challenges faced by adults who have lost their parents, providing practical advice, emotional support, and insights into the complex emotions and life changes that accompany parental loss.
• "The Year of Magical Thinking" by Joan Didion: In this memoir, Joan Didion reflects on the sudden loss of her husband and the subsequent illness and death of her daughter. She chronicles her grief, exploring the depths of loss and the complexities of mourning with honesty and vulnerability.
• "A Grief Observed" by C.S. Lewis: C.S. Lewis, renowned for his works on Christianity, pens this raw and introspective account of his personal journey through grief after the death of his wife. The book explores profound questions about faith, loss, and the complexities of mourning.
• "Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy" by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant: While not specifically focused on losing a parent (but losing a parent to her children), this book by Sheryl Sandberg, the COO of Facebook, explores the themes of resilience and finding joy in the face of adversity. It includes personal experiences and insights on grief after the sudden loss of her husband and navigating the challenges of life after loss.

These books offer different perspectives on the experience of losing a parent, providing comfort, understanding, and guidance for those going through a similar journey of grief. Remember that everyone's grief is unique, so it's important to find the book(s) that resonate with you and your individual experience.

Bible verses for losing a parent

Religion and faith can offer a space for comfort, strength, and encouragement during difficult times. Here are five Bible verses that may provide comfort and solace to you or someone else who has lost a parent:

• Psalm 34:18 (NIV): "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
• Matthew 5:4 (NIV): "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."
• Psalm 23:4 (NIV): "Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."
• Isaiah 41:10 (NIV): "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
• Revelation 21:4 (NIV): "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

These verses offer reassurance of God's presence, comfort, and support during times of grief and loss. They remind individuals that they are not alone in their pain and that there is hope for healing and restoration in the midst of sorrow.

Loss of a parent poems

After the loss of a parent, poems can help in a similar way to books and quotes. These poems speak to the loss of a loved one and the feelings associated with managing grief while continuing on through life:

• "Do not stand at my grave and weep" by Mary Elizabeth Frye: A beautiful and comforting poem that encourages the reader to find solace in nature and the everlasting presence of their loved one, reminding them that they are never truly gone.
• "A Song of Living" by Amelia Josephine Burr: A poignant poem that acknowledges the pain of loss while emphasizing the importance of cherishing the memories and continuing to live a meaningful life, honoring the parent's legacy.
• "My Mother's Kitchen" by David Kherdian: A reflective poem that explores the profound impact a mother has on her child's life, highlighting the significance of the mother's presence and the memories shared in the kitchen.
• "When Great Trees Fall" by Maya Angelou: A powerful and evocative poem that mourns the loss of a great figure, comparing it to the falling of a majestic tree, capturing the deep impact and void left by the absence of a parent.
• "One Art" by Elizabeth Bishop: A deeply introspective poem that delves into the theme of loss, reflecting on the various losses we experience in life and the need to accept and adapt to them, including the loss of a parent.
• "In Memory of My Mother" by Patrick Kavanagh: A heartfelt poem that pays tribute to the poet's mother, remembering her love, guidance, and the profound impact she had on his life, creating a lasting bond that transcends her physical absence.

Please note that these poems may provide different perspectives on loss, and each piece may resonate with different people in different ways.

Losing a parent can be a profound and life-altering experience. Each individual's experience is unique, and it is crucial to honor your emotions and allow yourself to grieve in your own time and manner. As you embark on this path of healing, remember that you are not alone. Reach out for support, whether from friends, family, support groups, or professionals, and take solace in the power of music, literature, and shared experiences. While the pain of losing a parent may never fully disappear, with time, self-care, and support, you can find a renewed sense of strength, resilience, and even moments of joy amidst the pain. You are capable of healing and embracing life while cherishing the memories and legacy of your parent.

If you are trying to work through grief from losing a parent, getting help from others can be a huge resource and an invaluable support system during your time of need. Ever Loved offers free grief support forums that you can use to connect with others, share your experience about the loss of a parent, and share poems, quotes, books, resources, and more.

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