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How to Plan Your Own Funeral

Planning your own funeral gives you the opportunity to choose how your life is commemorated, pick the funeral companies, have input on what happens to you after you pass away, and even cover costs for your family (if you wish). It can also be a huge burden lifted off of families who aren’t sure how best to honor their loved ones and/or who need to make arrangements while grieving.

How to plan your own funeral: step by step

Planning a funeral in advance generally eases the burden on loved ones and helps to ensure that your final wishes are respected. That said, there are several steps and items to consider when planning any event–and a funeral is no exception.

Step 1: Consider your preferences

Before you jump into contacting businesses and communicating with people you love, take a moment to simply reflect on your preferences. While a traditional funeral is one way to send someone off after they’ve passed away, it’s certainly not the only way. Here are some questions to consider when planning your own funeral:

• What is your budget for your services?
• Would you prefer burial, cremation, or another method of disposition for your remains? While traditional burial and cremation are popular choices, they aren’t the only ones. You may want to consider water cremation, body donation, body composting, green burial, or another method of disposition (such as direct burial or direct cremation instead of ones with full services).
• If you choose burial, have you considered the cemetery and/or purchased a burial plot? If you choose cremation, have you thought about how you would like your ashes to be handled or where you would like them to be scattered or interred?
• Would you like to have a traditional funeral service, a memorial service, a celebration of life, or a different type of service? Or would you prefer to have no services at all?
• If you are considering having a service, where would you like the service to take place? Is there a specific venue or place that holds meaning for you?
• Who would you like to officiate the ceremony, if there is one? Is there a religious leader, family member, or friend you would prefer to lead the service?
• Are there specific funeral songs or types of music you would like to be played during the service? Are there any favorite hymns, instrumental pieces, or meaningful songs that you would like included?
• Are there any specific funeral readings, poems, or passages that hold significance to you that you would like to be read during the service? Who would you like to deliver eulogies or share personal memories?
• Are there any specific rituals, customs, or cultural practices you would like to be incorporated into the ceremony?
• How would you like your personality, hobbies, or passions to be reflected in the funeral or memorial service? Are there any specific elements or themes you would like to include?
• Are there any charities or causes that are meaningful to you? Would you like to suggest that donations be made in your memory?
• Have you thought about what you would like to be included in your obituary or how you would like to be remembered? Are there specific accomplishments, stories, or messages you would like to share with others?

These questions are meant to guide you in considering your preferences, but you do not have to feel pressured to consider all of them. There may be some on here you find relevant and some you aren’t concerned with, but taking time to consider these questions can help you lay out your plan for your funeral.

Step 2: Select your method of disposition

One of the questions you may have started considering from the list above is your method of disposition. The method of disposition you choose will have a large impact on the type of service you choose and the budget you should be prepared to set aside. Here’s a brief overview of the most popular methods of disposition:

Here's a brief overview of the most popular methods of disposition:

• Burial: Burial is a common method of disposition where the body is interred in the ground. It typically involves placing the body in a casket and burying it in a cemetery or a chosen burial plot. Burials are almost always the most expensive method of disposition and will usually cost at least $8,000 with a full service.
• Cremation: Cremation is a process that involves the reduction of the body to ashes through intense heat. The ashes, known as cremated remains, are usually placed in an urn and can be kept by the family, scattered in a meaningful location, or interred in a columbarium or memorial garden. Cremations are much less expensive than burials and can start at around $2400.
• Green or natural burial: Green or natural burial is an environmentally friendly alternative to a traditional burial. It involves burying the body in a biodegradable casket or shroud without embalming fluids, allowing for a more natural decomposition process. Natural burial grounds often have specific guidelines to ensure minimal impact on the environment and are typically only done in green cemeteries. Green burials typically start around $2,000.
• Sea burial: Sea burial, also known as burial at sea, involves disposing of the body in an ocean, sea, or other bodies of water. This method can involve placing the body in a biodegradable container or scattering the cremated remains. The starting prices for a sea burial depend on the type of burial you’re looking for. For a cremation where your ashes are spread at sea, it can cost around $900; for a full body burial at sea, it can cost at least $5,000 to get started.
• Body donation: Some individuals choose to donate their bodies to medical research or education. In this process, the body is used for scientific study, training medical professionals, or advancing medical knowledge. After the donation, the body is usually cremated, and the remains are returned to the family or handled according to the donation program's policies.
• Body composting: Body composting, also known as natural organic reduction or human composting, is an environmentally friendly method of disposition. It involves the transformation of a deceased body into nutrient-rich soil through a process known as "natural organic reduction." The body is placed in a container along with organic materials such as wood chips, straw, and sawdust. Over a period of several weeks, microbial activity and controlled decomposition break down the body, resulting in the creation of nutrient-rich compost that can be used for gardening or land restoration. Body composting offers a sustainable alternative to traditional burial or cremation, allowing the body to return to the earth and contribute to the natural cycle of life.
• Water cremation: Water cremation, also known as alkaline hydrolysis or aquamation, is an alternative to traditional flame-based cremation. It is a gentle and eco-friendly process that uses water and alkaline chemicals to accelerate the natural process of decomposition. The body is placed in a specialized vessel filled with a mixture of water and potassium hydroxide. Through a combination of heat, pressure, and chemical reaction, the body is dissolved, leaving behind bone fragments. These fragments are further processed into a fine ash-like substance, similar to traditional cremation. Water cremation consumes less energy and releases fewer emissions compared to flame-based cremation, making it a more environmentally sustainable option. It also offers families the opportunity to receive the resulting ashes for memorialization or scattering, similar to traditional cremation.

Step 3: Choose your services

• Funeral service: A funeral service is a formal gathering that takes place shortly after a person's death. It often includes religious or cultural rituals, readings, eulogies, and music. The body is present at a funeral service and you’ll need to consider whether you’d like an open casket or closed casket service.
• Memorial service: A memorial service is a gathering held to remember and celebrate the life of a deceased person. It typically takes place after the body has been buried or cremated. Memorial services can be religious or non-religious and can be personalized to reflect the individual's life and interests.
• Celebration of life: A celebration of life is a joyful gathering that focuses on celebrating the life and positive memories of the deceased. It often includes stories, laughter, music, and activities that were meaningful to the person being honored.
• Graveside service: A graveside service is held at the gravesite during the burial or interment of the deceased. It is typically a shorter and more intimate ceremony where family and close friends gather to say their final goodbyes.
• Visitation, viewing, or wake: A visitation/viewing/wake provides an opportunity for family and friends to pay their respects and see the deceased before the funeral or memorial service.
• No service: Some individuals may choose to have no formal service at all. This could be a personal preference or in accordance with religious or cultural beliefs. In such cases, family and friends may gather privately or in smaller groups to remember the person in their own way.
• Commemorative event: A commemorative event can take various forms, such as a charity walk, memorial run, or fundraising event held in honor of the deceased. These events celebrate the person's life while supporting a cause or organization important to them.

These ideas don’t encompass all of the ways you can hold a service, but they can help you narrow down what you feel is right for you.

Step 4: Select a provider

Once you’ve chosen the services and method of disposition you’re interested in, it’s time to find a provider that can help you achieve those goals. There are different companies you may need to consider working with, depending on your goals. In general, you’ll need to work with at least one of these service providers:

• Funeral home: A funeral home is a business that provides funeral services and assists with the organization and coordination of the funeral or memorial service. They handle tasks such as body preparation, embalming (if chosen), arranging transportation, and facilitating the logistics of the service.
• Cemetery: A cemetery is a designated area for burying the deceased. If you choose burial as the method of disposition, you may need to work with a cemetery to secure a burial plot, arrange for grave opening and closing, and ensure compliance with cemetery regulations. You would also need to work with a cemetery if you choose to have your ashes buried or placed in a columbarium.
• Green cemetery: A green cemetery, also known as a natural burial ground, is a cemetery that focuses on environmentally friendly burial practices. They typically have guidelines for using biodegradable materials and avoiding embalming chemicals. If you opt for a green burial, you would need to work with a green cemetery that offers such services.
• Sea burial provider: If you choose a sea burial, you may need to work with a sea burial provider. These providers specialize in conducting burials at sea and ensure that the process complies with maritime regulations and environmental considerations.
• Body donation organization: If you decide to donate your body for medical research or education, you would need to work with a body donation organization. They facilitate the donation process, handle the transportation of the body, and coordinate with medical institutions for the proper use of the donated remains.
• Funeral celebrant: A funeral celebrant is a trained professional who leads or officiates at a funeral or memorial service. They can help create a personalized ceremony that reflects the life and values of the deceased. Funeral celebrants can work with both religious and non-religious individuals and families. You would likely work with a funeral celebrant if you didn’t want services led by a funeral home but still wanted a professional to handle leading them.
• Religious institution: If you have specific religious or spiritual beliefs, you may work with a religious institution such as a church, mosque, temple, or synagogue. (This is especially true if you want to have your services in a religious space, such as a church.) They can provide guidance and support in planning and conducting religious funeral or memorial services based on your traditions and customs.
• Event venues: If you plan on holding services, you’ll likely be in need of a place to hold those services. This is especially important if you aren’t working with the funeral home on having them host services in their chapel or location. Contact event venues to get an idea of their location, pricing, and what needs to be done to secure a spot for an event after your passing.

Step 5: Set aside funds, if desired

There are several ways to set aside funds to pay for your own funeral. Setting aside funds is one of the many important ways you can protect your families from unexpected expenses when the time comes. Here are some common methods:

• Funeral prepayment plans: Many funeral homes offer prepaid funeral plans, also known as pre-need funeral arrangements. With a prepaid plan, you work directly with the funeral home to choose the desired services and products, and you prepay for your funeral expenses. The funds are typically held in a trust or insurance policy until they are needed. It's important to carefully review the terms and conditions of the prepaid plan and ensure that it is transferable and protected by appropriate legal safeguards.
• Funeral insurance or final expense insurance: Funeral insurance or final expense insurance is a type of life insurance specifically designed to cover funeral and burial costs. You pay regular premiums, and upon your death, the designated beneficiaries receive a payout that can be used for funeral expenses. It's essential to understand the coverage limits, waiting periods, and exclusions associated with the policy before purchasing.
• Savings or bank account: You can set aside funds in a dedicated savings account or a separate bank account specifically designated for funeral expenses. By regularly depositing money into this account, you can accumulate funds over time to cover the costs associated with your funeral. It's important to communicate the purpose of the account and provide access details to your loved ones or executor.

Step 6: Organize & share your wishes

Once you’ve chosen all of this information and have recorded it somewhere, you’ll need to make sure it’s accessible by those who are handling your arrangements after you pass away. This can be a trusted family member, an attorney, an estate executor, or someone else. In any case, keeping your documents organized, your final wishes planner accessible, and the right people informed will help you ensure your arrangements are followed after you pass away.

The easiest place to store your personal wishes when it comes to end of life services is Ever Loved’s final wishes planning guide, which lets you record everything your loved ones will need and privately share it with only the people you choose.

Planning your own funeral sounds like a huge undertaking (and depending on the complexity of your wishes, it just might be), but it doesn’t have to feel overwhelming or unorganized.

Record your wishes